Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING... pass the f*&^%$# mashed potatoes please! OOPS, sorry.  I got carried away.  It has come to my attention, that although many of you have enjoyed my blog about my feelings, that I may have lost a little of my offensive edge.

Yes, this week I talked about being thankful for the people in my life, yada, yada, yada... today is NOT that day.  As a matter of fact, if you are easily offended, you may want to move on right now.  Just sayin'.

First off, I had the unfortunate task of going to the grocery store yesterday, as I was trying to walk out with my cart.  This lovely child playing with his electronic device and wandering away from his father, who was equally oblivious, was heading in my direction. I stopped dead in my tracks being as courteous as possible.  The child then walked straight into my cart, and bellowed as if I was pouring lemon juice on an open cut.  The father then gave me a look!  Yes, I do understand why some species eat their young. And so it begins, the Holiday season.

Then of course there is Thanksgiving dinner.  Ever sit at the table, and Aunt whoever, brought her special casserole.  You stare at it intently, you can tell it has about seven different ingredients, but they are all yellow now.  That means, six of them gave up!  Then of course, there is the nephew or niece or little cousin, who's parents call him a "fussy eater".  Fussy eater is a euphemism for BIG PAIN IN THE ASS!  Can you say: "More wine please."

Then of course, there is the inquisition.  Why aren't you married?  Why aren't you dating again?  Did you know, so and so, your high school sweetheart, just got divorced, I know you haven't seen her in years, but you should call her.  You know, you're not getting any younger!  You're problem is you're always on your bicycle or running, you know, that can't be good for you.

Did I say:  "More wine please"

Okay, for those of you I haven't offended yet, this should do the trick.  There is one of the worse movies ever made that has become a cult classic this time of year.  Here is a clip.  I swear, its a real movie.

Happy Turkey Day,  oops HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone!
"More wine please"